I had a dream I stood in school and asked you to tell me to my face the real reason why you ghosted me. You would not answer. How could you? It was all in my head.
I cried, and when I woke, there were tears flooding my eyes. Like so many things in my life, I still think, and hope, and wonder, but I know it is nothing but mourning from here on out. I love you. Good luck.
I turn to Melody and drop to my knees. What was once annoying is now made precious by my seasoning emotions. (Can you think of a word that describes something changing as the seasons do?) (I think it’s ‘weathering’ I want.)
She was begging for food, of course. (I have just now taken off my sunglasses since returning home from my errands.) I resisted the begging, because I delivered Keith to work for an early meeting and it is not time for her breakfast.
But what the fuck does she know? Not time. Not meetings. Meow Meow Mrrow Mrrow Meow. The whole household is influenced by the change in Keith’s schedule—I acknowledge that now, Melody.
Melody is an old friend. She can have what she wants.
We never traveled the world together or anything. She never gave me anything handmade or special. Sometimes it’s not necessary.
After a restless night, I resist the urge to crawl back into bed. It wouldn’t be good for me right now—after all, Cozy Vibes Killed The Bird. Now where did I hear that?
I wonder if you would think I look old. I’m wondering if you look old. I’d ask about everyone.
The air is strange today. Keith says it is a cool humidity I am smelling, but that has to include some kind of mystic property, yeah? The air glows like winter is at its heel and we have already survived what we have yet to endure. He says it is a warning that this coming winter will be brutish. That is what everyone is saying.
Melody interrupts me by jumping on the table in front of my device—twice. Unsatisfied with intermittent pats, I now type with one hand and hold her with the other, two paws digging into my leg, and two resting over my elbow.
Tired of partially standing, she finally permits me to set her down on my lap.
I feel the foreboding transition, but not today. The air is alive with something strange, like gold coins that won’t poison, but you’d do well not to inhale too quickly. It’s like it’s smiling at us, despite the impending doom.
Maybe I would ask, when did you learn you preferred life without me, and why didn’t you tell me?
Things change. We move. We throw shit out. I drink a lot of coffee now. We get married, have babies, get fat, get new jobs, and then we die.
Some people are there for it, and then there are different people for other parts of it. Maddening. Necessary.
I get a glass of water, because my dream-like mental squalor is not serving my Greater Purpose for today. I don’t get burned by my mind. Like the shifting seasons, I Danny Carey on, freshly changed and with gold in my lungs.
Nov 17th 2023
Written by Randa 