Crimson and burning

Savagely leering at me

It wants me to set something on fire

Yup

Instead, I have a bad mood to get over and a life to get back to living.

So whatever or whoever is instigating me internally needs to CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

Burn and scorn and toil and trouble. Hell hath no fury like a Randa scorned. Who the fuck is antagonizing me?

I want to say… I was never supposed to be this person. There was a time and place in the world when I was going to be a worry-free agent of Good Times. I don’t think I have that in me. Sure, WCR gets her Hankerings, but… is it anything more than that? Did that person ever exist, or have I always been this… this…

This agent of disruption. A whimsy with chains of chaos tethering her to a human world. An innocuous familiar at first, suddenly grown into a faithless witch. Made unconscious by my fears, I remain the Left Hand of the Devil.

But if someone came along, and removed those chains, what would they look like? Something like me I suppose, only always smiling. With no fears, but always ready.

I guess in moments of apprehension, she would be sweet, not turn to cold stone or melt into lava, but simply remain sweet, and standing. Frustration is like a gas she refuses. How does she do it so effortlessly? I can hear the chains rattling as I pull towards this person, but make no closer move to them. Not today.

When something needs doing, she finds the fun or solace. She is effortlessly amused, and always practicing that yoga breath. Would you just look at her? People rarely do. She doesn’t make much noise. It’s so much calmer that way. But she would say, “Don’t mind the Left Witch. She means well.

“She just doesn’t know me yet.”

I don’t know. Is that a good enough excuse for my chaos? No. I’m just saying, I could use a hand getting out of hell.

The pensive desire to burn has somewhat subsided into normal pessimism.

_{Nov. 16th, 2023}

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